Thursday's Thoughts: Gay Adoption

This article came up on Social Workers Speak on 6/9/10: Gay, Lesbian Couples Fit to Adopt.

A study done by researchers from two social work schools shows gay couples are just as fit to adopt as heterosexual ones, according to this article in the Ottawa Citizen.

Paige Averett, an assistant professor of social work at East Carolina University, Blace Nalavany also from East Carolina, and Scott Ryan, dean of the University of Texas School of Social Work Arlington and National Association of Social Workers member, interviewed 1,400 couples from around the nation, including 155 gay and lesbian parents.

They found sexual orientation had no bearing on the emotional development of adopted children. What mattered far more to the children’s well being was whether parents were satisfied with the adoption process, had a stable income and functioned well as a family.

I have very strong thoughts on gay adoption. I live in Florida, which is a pretty conservative state. It was here (Miami-Dade County) that good ole former beauty queen/singer, Anita Bryant, went on her Save Our Children tirade in late 70s, spouting nonsense that gays should not be allowed to adopt "based on conservative Christian beliefs regarding the sinfulness of homosexuality and the perceived threat of homosexual recruitment of children for child molestation." There was absolutely no evidence of this, purely based on supposed evilness of gays. [insert barf here] Now, the ban was overturned almost 30 years later because it was unconstitutional and irrational.

Unfortunately, this discrimination was written into the Florida Statutes and thus, is constitutional (unfairly so). People have been trying to remove/revise this statute for years, including myself at this year's NASW Lobby Day in Tallahassee. It never makes it very far due to the still anti-homosexual feelings in this state. It just sickens me.

I'm not turning this post into a religious face-off because I whole-heartedly respect everyone's religious beliefs. However, I cannot accept that people feel they have the right to interfere in other's lives. Yes, I know these individuals feel that children will be living with immoral evil beings and therefore, will grow up to be such themselves. However, I find the idea a bit laughable/ridiculous/unfounded. What makes me even more angry is that homosexuals are allowed to foster children in FL, but they can't adopt them! HOW IN THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT OK? Ridiculous, is what it is.

FINALLY, someone has taken the time to scientifically study children in GLBTQI homes. Granted, only one study is mentioned, but it's a start. I took the time to read the article, which can be found here: Averett, Paige , Nalavany, Blace and Ryan, Scott(2009) 'An Evaluation of Gay/Lesbian and Heterosexual Adoption', Adoption Quarterly, 12: 3, 129 — 151.

Abstract: Many experts in the helping professions have agreed that there is no scientific credence to support a gay and lesbian adoption ban. Nevertheless, there continues to be persistent mythology pertaining to outcomes for children adopted by gay and lesbian parents. This position may be somewhat due to the dearth of research that compares heterosexual and homosexual parenting outcomes with adopted children. To respond to this gap in the literature, this study explored the extent of emotional and behavioral problems among children aged 1.5 to 5 years (n=380) and 6 to 18 years (n=1,004) with gay and lesbian or heterosexual adoptive parents. A multiple regression analysis was used to assess the association between the dependent variables (child internalizing and externalizing behavior) on adoptive parent sexual orientation (gay and lesbian or heterosexual) while controlling for child age, child sex, pre-adoptive maltreatment, co-sibling adoption, adoption preparation, family income, and family functioning. As hypothesized, results indicted that child internalizing and externalizing behavior was not contingent upon adoptive parent sexual orientation. Rather, regardless of sexual orientation, adoptive parents are likely to encounter similar challenges in terms of risk factors for child behavioral problems and mitigating factors of such behavior. Recommendations for practice, policy, and future research are highlighted.

This research study found no significant differences between heterosexual and homosexual parents and had no significant impact on the internalizing or externalizing behaviors of the children.


You don't say? Obviously, you will get bad apple parents with homosexuals, just as you do with heterosexuals. However, that does not mean that all homosexuals are evil incarnate, just like it doesn't mean all heterosexuals are bad parents. Obviously. I actually know someone in my Social Work program who has one of the most successful homosexual parent-child situations I've ever heard of. He and his partner of 9 years have joint custody of his biological daughter. She spends the other half of her time 1 mile down the road at her biological mother and step father's home. That young lady has FOUR LOVING, DEVOTED PARENTS, whereas many children don't even have one. How this is bad for her emotional/physical/mental development is beyond my knowledge. In my opinion, she is one lucky child, who will grow up with a very diverse background, and will have acceptance for those who are different.

The evil mythology surrounding homosexuals and adoption needs to be BUSTED. Too bad we can't get this topic on MythBusters. :)

My last day in my private adoption internship.

Today was very eventful, to say the least. I went out with bang, as they say.

Firstly, I saw a horrific motorcycle accident on the interstate. I saw the guy laid out on the concrete. He was bloodied up from road rash, and his body was contorted to hell. He was trying to get up, and the policeman ran over to him and told him to lie still. I finally saw his beat up motorcycle about 200 feet away. I was in shock and on the verge of jumping out of the car to go help, somehow. I hope he makes it. (I HATE MOTORCYCLES!)

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Supervisor and I visited a birth mom in the morning. She is in her early 20's and on her 4th pregnancy. She has 2 babies who are only 5 months apart, had an abortion in December and is 3 months pregnant. Needless to say, this young lady really needs to be educated on how to prevent pregnancy. We talked about those options. She said she was on the pill but always forgot. We discussed the IUD, which might be a good choice for her. We asked about the father, who she said is the father to all her children. They had a "bad break up" in December and doesn't know how to reach him now. I find that hard to believe, but at least we got a name. C. will have to perform a diligent search.

Supervisor went through the intake paperwork and explained the process to her. She seemed very apathetic, disinterested. Kinda sad, actually. She does not work and collects food stamps. She only finished the 11th grade but she's interested in obtaining her GED/college degree and becoming a Dental Hygienist. At least she has some goals for herself, and I hope she follows through on them. Birth mom lives with her 2 children and 7 other relatives. The house was not big enough, and was in terrible condition. Hopefully she can secure a better life for herself and her 2 children in the near future.

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After lunch, I went to a match staffing for a 2 year old healthy boy. Two amazing, very comparable families were presented. In the end, the family with his same cultural heritage was selected. The lil boy hit the jackpot, I think. :)

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The end of the day was spent doing a home visit for a couple who adopted a baby boy. He is SO dang cute, and has the cutest, chubbiest cheeks. He is 2 months old and has grown a hell of a lot since I saw him right after birth in the hospital. He smiles a lot too, and has the cutest dimples. He is definitely happy and thriving. It was a great way to end my internship.

I gave Supervisor her card, and we hugged and reminisced. I told her that if my next placement is close, I will stop in for lunch. Either way, we will still remain in touch. She was a mentor for me, and I will never forget all she taught me.

Fair Adoption. Let's get on with it!

I am going to be participating in Florida Lobby Day this year. Social Work students from all of Florida's universities head to the state capital to advocate for issues that we deem important. It gives us a chance to speak up for the groups of people that we support and assist, groups who don't have much a voice in the political realm. Last night, I attended Advocacy Training at school on how to speak to your officials and how the government branches work. The day before Lobby Day, we will meet with NASW in Tallahassee, who will give us more in-depth on the issues and approaching our reps.

I've decided to advocate for Fair Adoption in FL. The Florida Adoption Statue is so ugly. Statue 63.042(3) reads: No person eligible to adopt under this statute may adopt if that person is a homosexual. It is no secret that FL sits high on the anti-gay meter, as this population of people receive no rights in this state. It is also no secret that this particular bill has been submitted numerous times, and it is continuously dismissed. This legislative session most likely will be no different. However, the sponsor of the bill, Florida Senator Nan Rich and Florida Representative Mary Brandenburg, has been putting the issue in front of the committees since 2007. Someone realizes its importance!

I learned that Anita Bryant mucked things up in 1977. She lead a campaign to repeal the prohibition on the basis of sexual orientation in the name of the Save Our Children. Her conservative Christian beliefs regarding the sinfulness of homosexuality led her to ridiculous thoughts of homosexual recruitment of children for molestation! In case you did not know, homosexuals are allowed to foster children in Florida, but not adopt. So, let's say a parents' rights are terminated. The child, who has likely been in foster care (there are other options, of course) for some time, and may have bonded with the foster parents, cannot be adopted by them! This law has done significant damage to children in foster care by not allowing the best interest of the child to be considered on a case-by-case basis. And this came next: Curtis Peterson, the lead Senate sponsor, said upon passage of the ban, “We’re trying to send [homosexuals] a message. We’re really tired of you. We wish you’d go back into the closet.”

Obviously, this was 33 years ago and society has progressed. However, many of us are still stuck in paleolithic thinking. We need to think about the thousands of children who bounce from foster home to foster home, and the thousands of parents who could be their new family. We are not thinking about the best interest of the child. We are letting our unfounded biases interfere. It is NOT fair. And don't hand me that "life isn't fair" line. This is 2010 and we are no longer wearing loin cloth. WE ARE ALL HUMAN. We all deserve the opportunity to parent, and we all deserve the opportunity to be cared for by loving parents.

We need serious change here. I am only one person, but I will speak for many.

http://eqfl.org/fairadoption/

http://eqfl.blogspot.com/

Infant Adoption Training Initiative

I went to a training today, aptly called the Infant Adoption Training Initiative. My field supervisor encouraged me to attend because she felt it would be very beneficial to my learning. She was right. However, I must give credit to her. I knew a lot of the more important pieces of the training because of my supervisor. She has been a fabulous teacher and I was surprised to find myself speaking about the adoption option so freely, and actually explaining the differences between private and state adoption to some of the nurses in the training.

For people who know the laws, how to counsel a pregnant women about her options, etc. - you probably don't need to take this class. However, for those who interact with these women - nurses, volunteers, etc - who don't necessarily have knowledge on adoption, should really take this training! It is nation-wide and it is a federally funded and free to participants. It was non-biased, didn't sway this way or that way. It simply gave you factual information in which to properly counsel a pregnant woman on her options. The only have one more year left on the grant, so hurry up!

We covered the history and legacy of adoption, and how it is has drastically changed over the years. Orphan trains, anyone? I learned that the term "put up for adoption" (which is a BAD term to use) was derived from the orphan train days when parents who couldn't care for their children "put" them on a train to be "bid on" in another town. Terms like "give away" and "keep the baby" imply that the baby is property, and a baby should never be viewed this way. However, that is certainly how children were viewed in history.

We watched a "commercial" on adoption that was made in the 1930's. It was typically shown in movie theaters. There were SO many ugly things about this video, but it is the way things were down back then. The birth mom was typically wondering how much money she could get out of the deal, the baby's eye and hair color were matched to adoptive parents, the baby needed to be perfectly healthy so they wouldn't be a burden to the adoptive parents, they placed intelligent babies with intelligent parents so they could live up to their full potential. Adoption was never spoken about - many children never knew they were adopted until their parents died and they had to go through records. And, only childless couples were eligible! That is just what I picked up on. Not the way adoption is done in today's world.

Today, we encourage adoptive parents to be honest with their child about adoption. Being adopted is nothing to be ashamed about! We counsel both sides to ensure they are proceeding down the right path for them. Some people can choose to have completely open adoptions with full disclosure of identifying info, others prefer to go through an agency, and still some want complete confidentiality. Openness is becoming more and more common today. Single people are now free to adopt, and transracial/cultural adoptions are way more common. Also, adoption isn't only limited to infertile and childless couples.

I learned a lot about the laws, but I already knew quite enough about them. We talked a lot about social, cultural and personal influences. I volunteered to role this 19 year old woman who just found out she was pregnant. I had to sit in front of the group and wear this silly straw hat. Each group member was asked to take on an influential role, such as a family member, peer, mentor, religious affiliate, etc, and tell me what they think I should do, in terms of parenting a child. Every time someone through out their opinion, the trainer placed a ribbon on the hat, which fell over my eyes. At the end of it all, I couldn't see, and knew exactly what it symbolized. Those ribbons, or influences, were completely clouding my own personal thoughts on my pregnancy, and made it very hard to think about what I should do for myself and my baby. It shows us that these women have so many different opinions and emotions thrown at them from all of their influences that their heads are spinning and they don't have a clue which is the correct path for them.

We talked about adolescents and pregnancy, birth fathers, non-directive, non-coercive counseling, and how to access community resources. As an options counselor, it is your goal to give them factual, unbiased information, which empowers the client to make the right decision for the client. When you are in that role, you should never influence the person to go one way or another. As a social worker, we really need to check our biases, assumptions and beliefs at the door. Start where the client is.

Wow. Yesterday was one HELL of an experience.

I experienced so many different things at my internship yesterday that my head is spinning!

First, we attended a foster care re-licensing session so that my supervisor knows how to properly renew her foster mom's license come this Summer. I tell you what, I am amazed at the amount of paperwork, legwork, etc, that goes into licensing someone to become foster parents. Holy shit! You would think they were applying to become the next President. It is insane, but I definitely understand the need for it. You want to ensure the children are placed with appropriate people.

During this meeting, people were discussing how they get calls from people who are looking for employment in fostering! I know this is way more common than it should be, but there are definitely people out there who foster for the money. And I will tell you, you don't get a lot, and it is certainly not enough to fully support the child - you need to use some of your own income, for sure. So, it makes me wonder about the children in these homes, and the level of neglect. I think it is less common today with all the checks and balances, reports, etc. - but still...

After lunch, we sorted through legal paperwork for TPR and Petition for Adoption. What a headache! Then, we went to court to file it. Then we had to retrieve some birth certificates from the Office of Vital Statistics. We tried to squeeze the Social Security office in there, but they close at 3:30! What is up with government agencies closing early? Honestly, I think government agencies should have different or longer hours. If you think about it, the people who most likely need to visit these agencies are the people who don't have the luxury to take time off from work. Our systems are so broken. Boo. GET A CLUE!

THEN - we went to the hospital to speak with a birth mom. This woman is of Mayan decent, so communicating with her was difficult. Supervisor speaks Spanish, and has experience with Mayans, so she said phrases 4 or 5 different ways before B.M. understood. This isn't an ideal situation. B.M. can't understand the process, nor the paperwork she has to sign. Come to find out, she can't read or write either, so her signature was an X. Supervisor told me that she had requested to leave the baby (Safe Haven) but the hospital administrator urged her to speak with us so we could get as much information as possible pertaining to her health, etc. Yea...no. That isn't going to happen. Supervisor is going to look into a translator for when she visits B.M. to get consent, but who knows if B.M. would tell us anything.

We got to see baby and he is just beautiful. He went to term and he is very healthy. They did all types of health screens on B.M. and baby and there doesn't seem to be any health issues, so that is good. The nurses were asking us about B.M.'s bruises, of which we could get no information from her. It would take months, most likely, for B.M. to open up to Supervisor And even then, she probably wouldn't disclose that she is physically beaten by a man/men. She told us she didn't know who birth father was, and where he could be. Not sure if that was legitimate, but it's all we have. People of these ethnic groups (typically undocumented and in the U.S. illegally) are very distrusting of any official-type because we all represent the government to them, which of course means, they could be sent packing. Supervisor told me later that abuse is very common in that culture, and you just don't talk about it, nor confront it. You just accept it. *sigh* Also, when asked if they use condoms, B.M. said they don't like them. It is quite common to hear this, and I assume the women don't dare question it. Blah.

I guess the good thing coming out of this is that baby is going to a good family. I wish I could be there when Supervisor made the call. I hope that B.M. walks away from this into a better situation for herself, and I really hope that we don't meet her again...

Next week:

• Intake with pregnant teen for counseling, and explore her options


• Post-placement with couple who adopted an infant from India


• "Child Abuse and Neglect" training

I learned a lot today.

I think my experiences at my internship today were the most eye-opening, and the most clinical. I think I learned a lot about reading people, and just how much people can fool me. One case, I saw right through the person, and felt her falseness immediately. The other pulled the wool over my eyes, and I'm lucky I didn't say something to make the situation worse. Supervisor and I debriefed after each session. I wasn't surprised to see that I was correct on the one - Supervisor obviously picked up on her before I did, and we went over our assumptions, etc. The other case, I was not as knowledgeable on the complexity of the situation, and I certainly did not pick up on some of the controlling and manipulating behaviors - which they almost got away with on me! I must have somehow subconsciously picked up on Sup's cues because when we debriefed after, she said I changed my wording (for the better) right at the last moment. I told her I have no clue why I did, because I just did not pick up on any of the things she pointed out. However, it all made perfect sense when the evidence was laid out. I'm glad I didn't screw up the session, but I am also glad that I got to see manipulation in action. I think that had I known the background on the clients and their situation, I may have been a bit more keen to what was being said.

It's not like it's the first time I've ever encountered someone like this, but I can be gullible when I'm trying to see the good in a person. I assume that part of me will change real fast when I really get out in the big bad world of social work. However, you take the good with the bad, and the bad with the good.

Great experiences!

Clinical Assessments

As you know, I'm interning in Adoptions, which is definitely a field of Social Work that I'm very interested in. Many of my Social Work classmates, as well as close friends and family, are very aware that I'm not interested in the Mental Health, Addiction, etc. side of the profession. It's not for me, and I have no interest in it. I'm way more interested in the Macro side of the profession (lobbying, advocacy, prevention programming, community organizing/building, etc), as well as working with refugees, teen mothers and obviously, children!

That being said, It has been a bit difficult for me to really see the clinical side to the work I've been doing at my internship. Surely, a clinical assessment is made during the home study process, and a clinical, therapeutic session occurs between a social worker and a birth mom, or a social worker and adoptive parents (grief and loss).

Yesterday, Supervisor and I were reviewing some evaluations I have to turn in at the end of the semester. One of them involved checking off all the areas of the Generalist Intervention Model you have experienced during the semester. I was having a hard time really checking off some of the boxes because I can't identify any one experience that falls under whatever category. Supervisor laid it out for me and gave me lots of examples. She said making the clinical connections comes with experience, esp. in a field that isn't so ingrained in clinical/therapeutic environment. Ok, cool.

I had the opportunity to observe the Disclosure meeting for the Andrews, where they received the entire history (that CHS has) on Carissa - medical, social, educational, legal, etc. Many questions were asked, lots of information was provided. Mrs. Andrews is completely optimistic about it all, which is good - optimism keeps people going. However, a realistic outlook about welcoming a child into your home who has had severe trauma over her life, in many forms, and has bounced around the system for years, is needed even more so. Mr. Andrews is the realist of the duo, and once the medical/mental health conversation began with Carissa's therapist (keep in mind, the Andrews are well aware of Carissa's past), Mr. Andrews made a comment that he really wanted Mrs. Andrews to hear all of this, again. He wants her to come down outta the clouds and step into this new relationship well grounded. Mrs. Andrews feels Carissa's past is just that - the past - and that is where it will stay. She is focused on creating a new life for her, which is fantastic, but you obviously cannot discount her past. Her past is what made her the young lady she is today and you just can't throw it out the window. Whatever the case is with the Andrews, I know they won't give up on Carissa as others have. They have already put so much into learning about her, well before the selection staffing. They obviously feel a strong bond with Carissa, and I think she really hit the jackpot with the Andrews.

I told Supervisor about my experience in the meeting and my thoughts on the Andrews and Carissa. Once I was finished, she said "You just made a clinical assessment." Woot!

Wow. I have so much to update...

This post may be long. I really need to take the time to write more often. :/

My internship is going to be over for the semester in 4 weeks! I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed working at my internship, and I can't rave enough about my awesome field instructor. I couldn't ask for a better relationship between the two of us. We have similar personalities and views, so we get along fantastic. My field professor came to meet with us and we both sang each other's praises. It was a proud moment. :)

Last week was crazy busy. One day, we had 3 home visits and one finalization at court. Another day, I attended a selection staffing, had the meeting w/ my field professor and attended a Life Books event with foster children. Insane!

We met a young couple who I shall call James and Eliana. They've have had no success in conceiving naturally (3 years of trying), so they've turned to adoption. You could definitely see that there is still a small tinge of sadness in Eliana, but she is also a very strong-willed woman and knows this is the best path for her and James. They live in a cute little bungalow with a sweet dog. They both have successful jobs and seem to know how to work out their lives when there is a new baby in it. It was the first meeting with them. Next, we meet with each of them one on one. This will be my first stab at writing a home study! Woot! I'm excited for this couple. They remind me a lot of hubs and myself. :)

We also met with another family who adopted a Safe Haven baby. This was the 2nd of 3 post-placement visits, and I will also be writing the final home investigation. Baby Mercedes is doing great! She is growing and eating her way through life! That lil teeny tiny baby ate 7 oz of food while we were there! When we arrived, Mercedes was halfway through a 5 oz bottle. Once she was finished, she got a lil fussy. Mama gave her a pacifier to see if that would soothe her. I don't think I've ever seen a child suck on a pacifier the way Mercedes did! You could definitely see that she was expecting to get something out of it. After a minute or so, she realized that thing wasn't producing any milk and she let us know she wasn't pleased with our trickery! So, mama fixed her 2 more oz and she gulped them down! It was kinda humorous.

We attended an adoption finalization at the courthouse for the Daniels family. I had not yet met this family because they went through the entire process before I started interning. Baby Addison has had some developmental delays, and they once thought she had fetal alcohol syndrome, but I believe that has been cleared. She is breathtakingly adorable though, and she is going to be one beautiful young lady! Mama Daniels is a beautiful woman, probably in her mid-forties. Papa Daniels is definitely older, maybe in his 60s. No big deal, to me, but I bring it up because a lot of people do question the age cutoff for adoption. I am not sure there is a definite line. I believe it is up to the social worker to figure out if the family is able to provide for that child for the next 20 or so years. These people aren't slowing down anytime soon. They are very lively and mobile.

The finalization was quick, as always, and later on that day, we actually went to their house for a final goodbye and good luck. (However, they are actually going to be starting the process again in January for a 2nd baby!) Mama stays-at-home and papa does some sort of financial job. He makes great money, as evidenced by their home. Mama is a crafty lady and showed me her craft room. She makes shoes, handbags, clothing, carpentry, upholsters furniture, draws/paints, etc. She is very handy, much more so than her hubby. :) She grew up on a farm - I think that has a lot to do with it. She painted Addison's room and made a lot of the furniture. I was amazed at the beauty of this room. It is every little girl's dream, and Addison will no doubt love it up into her early teens, for sure. Mama Daniels was SO nice. We sat and talked of all kinds of things, and she was so warm and sincere. She definitely disrupts the "snobby" stereotype for the rich women of this town. LOL! They also have a small dog who I just fell in love with - and I don't often like small dogs! So cute and very smart. He let me hold him like a baby and walk around the house with him. :)

On a separate day, I attended a Selection Staffing, which is where the adoption specialist, dependency case manager, therapist, and other important decision makers in the adoption field, come together and decide on the BEST family for a child. Well, it just so happens that there was only one family to present for a young girl I will call Carissa. Carissa is 12 years old and has been in the system for quite some time. She presents with a myriad of developmental and emotional problems, and has definitely been in trouble because of them. However, Carissa was picked to attend the 10-week Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting seminar that all foster parents have to go through. During that 10-weeks, Carissa fell in love with the Andrews, and they in turn adore her to pieces. The Andrews even took it further to speak with her therapist, psychologist and others to really get an understanding about Carissa. They have shown sincere interest in providing a healthy, stable life for this young lady. Carissa has spoken out for her adoration for the couple many times, which is why this family was presented. I am not surprised at all by the outcome of the meeting, which of course, was positive because the match was made! This isn't a typical selection staffing though. Usually 3 - 4 families are presented and much deliberation is needed. This was a special one though. YAY!

After the meeting, we called the Andrews to let them know. They were ecstatic!!! We can not tell Carissa until the Andrews go through disclosure though, so she does not yet know. Now - here is the cool part of the story. Later that day, we had a Life Books event for some of the foster children and we invited 3 or 4 prospective adoptive parents to attend and mingle with the children. Life Books are a very important resource for the child, as it is a reminder of where they've come from, and where they are headed. Well, Carissa and the Andrews attended and they sat together the entire time and worked on Carissa's life book. I was beaming on the inside. It was so awesome to know that these 2 wonderful people are her new family and she doesn't even know it yet! This was my first time seeing the 3 of them together, and I definitely agree that the match is perfect. Carissa hit the jackpot!

BUSY!!!!

Today I got to sit in on the Adoption Team Unit Meeting, which was hysterical, to say the least. Those women (and their token male colleague) are a hoot! They are planning a holiday party in December for their foster children and prospective families, and I got talked into teaching the kids dances like the macarena and electric slide. LOL! :) I am also helping to plan the crafts, which will be lotsa fun.

Next Monday, I will be going on 3 home visits and one finalization! Then on Friday, I will finally be able to see selection staffings!! This is when everybody (case managers, adoption specialists, guardian ad litem, foster parent, etc) gets together to select the best family for a child. This is on my learning plan so I am glad that I will be able to see how involved the match process it. I will also be attending a Life Book event in the afternoon with some of the foster kids. You can read all about life books here - I'm too hungry to explain.

Then, Nov. 20 is NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY, and we have a big event going on at the County Courthouse. Lots of foster care adoption finalizations that day. WOOHOO!

Ciao!

"I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring." ~Liz Armbruste

Yesterday, I had the most enjoyable experience at my internship. I finally got to meet a family that adopted internationally. This family, who I will call the Jones, adopted a sibling group of 3 from Ethiopia. Before I met the family, I was able to watch a documentary that they were in regarding adopting from another country. It was so beautiful to see this family (The Jones and 2 of their adult bio sons) meet their new children/siblings. (Mr. Jones actually made the trip prior to this and had already met the children.) The Jones went through a reputable agency and even met Birth mom (B.M.) when they went to the country to pick up their children. She is very ill and can no longer care for them. B.M. was featured in the documentary and let me tell you, I was amazed at the strength of this woman. She was so composed and strong. However, a smile never crossed her face, and her eyes showed the depth of her pain. Supervir was crying and I had a few tears drip down my face. That type of thing is never easy to witness, no matter what situation the B.M. is in. B.M. and Mrs. Jones hugged one another and it was the most powerful thing to watch. B.M. is ever grateful that her children are being cared for and will likely live to old age, but it was the epitome of a bitter-sweet moment, if that even describes it at all. :(

Now, on to the FUN PART! I got to meet the children! I shall call them Amare (boy), age 3; Desta (girl), age 5; and big brother Bekele, age 6. The Jones kept their ethnic names (which are REALLY cool/cute, I wish I could tell you) and gave them American middle names. They were obviously already used to their names so changing them would have made the transition more difficult. However, I must first say that I was AMAZED at how quickly these children have transitioned into their new life. They've only been here 3 months and I would never be able to tell that they weren't born here. They only thing that gives it away is their cute little accent. :)


Bekele is only 6 but he was practically the parent of his 2 siblings since he was 4. He had to feed and bathe them as their mother could not. Needless to say, this young man is a leader in ever since of the word. The Jones described his transition from a parental figure to a sibling as wondrous. To see him roll around on the floor with little Amare was quite surprising (especially to Amare!) because these things did not happen back in Ethiopia. He had a sort of emotional breakdown at some point and they let him cry, so he knows it is ok to cry. I assume he had to keep all of these emotions inside in Ethiopia. Bekele is in first grade, is very outgoing, talks really fast (his English is great but if he gets going, he starts to blur it with Amharic, his native tongue), and loves soccer. :)


Desta is SO CUTE! She barely said 2 words but she is such a pretty little thing. (She and Amare look so much a like, and a lot like B.M. but I think Bekele looks very different from them.) Desta has adjusted well but she is still very sensitive to her parents leaving. When were done with the visit, the Jones walked us to the door and Desta said "Mommy, no go!" and ran to her and threw her arms around her legs. It was very touching and shows the trauma these children have experienced in their life. Mrs. Jones said she had a meltdown at the dinner table one night when she would not eat her vegetables. Typical toddler. She was also given a princess dress (Cinderella, of course) which she wore to a princess birthday party. Well, her birthday just passed and she got up that morning and immediately put on her princess dress. I think she associates birthdays with having to wear that dress. Too cute. She goes to Pre-K 4 mornings a week.


Amare is the youngest and so adorable! He has picked up the language the fastest, since he is the youngest. He seems very good natured and easy going, and they said he doesn't have tantrums (yet). He's social and has a great sense of humor. He didn't say much while we were there but he did show me his wonderful smile many times.


The Jones family were given MANY things - children's clothes, toys, money - by their church and community. When the children first sat down with these toys, they looked at them like "what the heck am I supposed to do with this?" They didn't have toys in Ethiopia. You know what they wanted to play with? The rocks and dirt in the backyard. That was familiar to them and they had a blast. The Jones say the children are very industrious and hardworking. The like to be productive, probably because they are used to it. Bekele likes to help Mr. Jones bag up leaves in the yard. Amare cleaned up after himself after he ate without being told.


I told the Jones that I hope they don't mind if I call them in 20 years when I'm ready to adopt from Rwanda. They asked why I would wait so long, and I told them my husband and I are incurring serious debt from school, so it will definitely have to wait. I had a side conversation with Mrs. Jones about my anti-genocide advocacy days and how I mostly want to work with refugees. That got us discussing the Lost Boys of Sudan and Human Aid workers and all of the things that I can only dream of being a part of. However, at least I can help those who resettle here. They need it too.


All in all, it was the best field experience I've had thus far, and I am very happy for this family. Those kids are very, very lucky to have this new life. They will not forget where they came from though, and have pictures of their B.M. and share stories about her. B.M. has pictures of them, as well, and will receive updates. Hopefully B.M. doesn't suffer for a long time, and I hope she is at peace with her decision.


[Rant]


The documentary also showed the dark side to adoption in a lot of countries: Human Trafficking. I was sickened to see some of the practices that these FAKE agencies do to obtain children to SELL to Americans who are completely clueless. And let me just put this out there RIGHT NOW, Christian World Adoption was shown in this video in a village, coercing parents to hand over their children. Now, I do not know anything else about this agency, other than what I witnessed on this video, but what I saw was enough. These children were FINE! Obviously, Ethiopia is not the best country in the world to live in, and the people that live here struggle in ways we can't even imagine, but these children and their families were living the typical Ethiopian life. These agencies come to these villages and persuade these people to hand over their children by telling them of the beautiful, healthy, safe lives they will live in America, never going hungry, blah blah. Ok, that IS great. I wish ALL of those people could live the way we do. The entire WORLD should be able too, but let's get realistic. The entire world can't move to the U.S., and children should remain with their families unless they are being neglected, abused, etc. These children were FINE!




Supervisor was telling me how they have discontinued international adoptions from Guatemala because women were being found dead with their stomachs cut open. PEOPLE WERE KILLING PREGNANT WOMEN WHO WERE NEAR TERM TO CUT OUT THE INFANT SO THEY COULD MAKE A PROFIT OFF THE ADOPTION OF THE BABY. Honestly, I don't think humanity can sink any lower into evil.



[/Rant]

"I want to provide a safe, stable home for a child that needs one."

This was a quote spoken by a prospective adoptive parent that I met yesterday, when I experienced a different piece of my internship. I went on a home visit with a worker who finds families for the older children in foster care. This is far different from the work I do with supervisor, who handles private infant and international adoptions.


The prospective mother and father have already raised some pretty solid children, and are looking to adopt one or 2. The husband wants a son, but there is a sibling duo (older sister and younger brother) that they have their eye on. They met the duo when they went through the 10-week MAPP (Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting) training, which is required of all foster parents. I do not know if it is required of all adoptive parents (I don't think it is) but some take it anyway.


Anyway, we interviewed the prospective mother for 2.5 hours! We had to explore spanking with the father a little, since it is obviously not the approach this class teaches when disciplining children, and I was very impressed with his honest answers. He seemed very genuine. We did have to reschedule with him because of the time it took just interview his wife.


After the interview, we looked around the house to ensure there were smoke alarms, fire extinguisher, enough space, etc. It was a very interesting experience, and I hope these 2 parents end up welcoming a child (or 2!) into their home.

P.S. I found it quite interesting that they actually film these older children for commercials called Thursday's Child that are aired on local news stations. It reminds me of the Humane Society commercials where they showcase a cat or dog in need of a home. Hmmm. Not sure how I feel about that...

Back to work!

Life in the Tired Lane

I do not want my field experience to be over quickly (I truly do enjoy it and wish I could much more time there) but I will not cry when this semester is over. I am running on FUMES, ppl! Mid-term is right around the corner. Oh joy!


My field supervisor wants me to create a Targeted Development Agreement for all the trainings I go to. It will be like a mini-contract between the 2 of us. It will state that to ensure transfer of learning from each training, I will apply them in practice. I will state a personal objective for attending each session, skill development commitments and we will both sign it. :)


I am saddened by a certain experience I had yesterday. A birth mom was in the hospital with her newborn and was thinking about adoption. Superviso and I went to the hospital, along with her mother (whom I will refer to as grandmother). BM is young and doesn't make much money. BF is away in college, and although he expressed interest in keeping the child, he does not have any means to raise a child either. I was not welcome into the hospital room, so I remained outside and observed the grandmother and grandchild in the neo-natal room. (Grandmother is in love, no doubt!) The child is biracial and therefore, the grandfather will not welcome the child into his home. (OPINION: If I was that grandmother, I'd tell that man to hit the friggin' road, Jack!)


This struck a deep chord with me. My family has dealt with serious racial B.S. 15 years ago, my family ripped itself apart because my then-17 year old cousin got pregnant by an African-American. It is NO surprise that my mother's father was a racist SOB, and it did trickle down to some of his children. My uncle went off the deep end over the news and it caused a serious rift in my family. We have not been the same since.


Now, my cousin has since had 3 more bi-racial children - all of whom are absolutely gorgeous. I am not close with them, as I was not close with my cousin. This does sadden me, as I think of them often, but I am not surprised that is the way things are. There are no hard feelings between us and I am very proud of the shit she has overcome. She must have skin made of steel.


On to my point of the story: I am not judging this grandfather for his reasoning, but I don't have to like it. I personally can't understand how you could shun a child, a new life who had no control over their conception. It really is difficult for me to fathom. Of course, a lot of ppl do not agree with the mixing of "ethnic groups" but honestly, I don't see why it should matter. We are all human. And frankly, multi-racial/ethnic people are BEAUTIFUL!


This is my opinion. And, as I stated, I am not judging anyone for their views.


More work to do. Ciao!

My First Post-Placement Home Visit

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to go to a post-placement home visit with my supervisor. After a family brings a child home, the agency has to do monthly post-placement visit for 90 days. These visits are to ensure that the child is thriving, developmentally on task, the parents are adjusting to routines, etc. This couple adopted an infant. She is almost 2 months old and just beautiful! Supervisor held the baby but since I just met the couple, I did not feel comfortable asking them to hold her. People can be weird about that, ya know? The visit went smoothly. The baby is growing, eating, and is developmentally on task. The parents are adjusting well and seem very grounded. It was a happy moment!

This morning, I will be meeting my sup. at the local hospital for an intake. She sent me an email about it, so I'm not really sure what that entails. I assume it is an intake of a birth mom?

No one can prepare you for what you're about to see.

Which would be ME, role playing a counseling session with a classmate, with the teacher and other classmates watching, and being video taped! eeep! *falls over* People watching me during my very first counseling attempt is nerve racking enough, but being taped, watching the tape with the class, and hearing all the criticisms (don't mind this so much) is even worse! Gah. I can do it though - I CAN DO IT! My partner is going be a young women who is pregnant and not sure of what her plan is. Fitting, no?

Met with my field supervisor yesterday to go over the learning plan, since the draft is due tonight. C. laid out every opportunity under the rainbow, and allowed me to choose which ones I wanted to focus on. Needless to say, I want to experience ALL of it, but my crazy life is not so accommodating to that these days. Once the plan is finalized, I will have a guide, and a guide is much needed. I want to make sure I stay focused. H O C U S F O C U S!

C. also sat with me a few hours (I feel so bad about this, even though it's part of the process, because she is SO busy) and explained some past situations with clients, some current issues she is dealing with, and some great successes. She's actually placed TWO sibling groups of FOUR with wonderful parents. Those type of successes don't come often, but man - that is certainly something to be proud of.

I really like C. and I feel blessed to have been placed in an agency under someone like her. She is big on reflective practice, which is looking inward and examining yourself in situations, asking yourself what could have been done differently, etc. I don't do this enough in my life so I'm looking forward to it. I am certain it will be of great help during this learning process.

She is also a counselor for pregnant women who are exploring the adoption option. This is a website created by Children's Home Society of Florida for these women: http://www.decisiontomake.com/

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I also must mention the HELL of a weekend I had! I had a migraine Friday night (not common for me, although I have headaches constantly from neck pain, hormones, etc). I went to bed and woke up at 2 AM to vomit! Ugh - not fun. Todd woke up and freaked out, poor guy. He stayed with me and got me some water. I woke up with the headache on Saturday, and my stomach was a mess all day. Boo. THEN, Sunday night, I couldn't sleep. I was SO alert, and didn't manage to sleep until 4 AM! Then, a rain storm woke me around 5 AM, and I had to get up at 6. So, my 2 hours of sleep was even interrupted. Lame. Yesterday sucked, but I go through it. Didn't end up going to sleep until late though, and now I feel really tired, even though I got 7 hours of sleep.

Anywho, I've got a lot to do. Ciao!