A Movie Review: Reviving Ophelia

I heard about this movie through BreakTheCycle.org whom I follow on Twitter. This organization aims to educate teens on dating violence and empower them to make their own decisions. Reviving Ophelia aired on Lifetime and will probably play more. Check your local channel listing to see when it airs again.

Reviving Ophelia is a story about a normal, well-to-do, calm and collected teenage girl, Elizabeth, who becomes involved with a guy named Mark. Mark is a gentleman, is respectful towards adults and showers Liz with affection and attention – just what teenage girls are looking for! Unfortunately, Mark isn’t what he seems to be. Underneath his cool façade and cute exterior is an angry young man who has become quite obsessed with Liz. The signs are absolutely blaring. Her cousin, who is deemed the wild one in the family, tries to alert her family to what is going on, but no one wants to believe her. She tries to step in and assist her cousin, but she is quickly pushed aside and told there is no problem. Once Liz’s parents find out, they do everything to control the situation and protect their daughter. However, telling Liz No only make her want him more…

If you do plan to watch the movie, or read the book, don’t read any more. It will give away a lot of the story. I wrote down all of the signs I recognized:

• He gets miffed because she made plans without consulting him
• You find out his mother left him and his father, and that his father called him a loser because his mother left him.
• You later find out his dad beat his mother, which is probably why she left. As ugly and unfortunate as it is, abuse is a learned behavior a lot of the time.
• He becomes jealous of her friends and guys she sits by in class.
• He tried to control her behavior.
• He calls and texts her constantly, and gets very angry when she doesn’t respond promptly.
• He tracks her on her phone’s GPS! Stalking is a serious red flag.
• There is a small blip about an ex-girlfriend, who we don’t learn much about. However, sounds like he has been down this path before.
• He makes her feel guilty for everything.
• There is the obvious physical violence. The first incident, Mark lies and says he had to slam on his break and she hit the dash. She confirms the story. The cycle repeats itself, even if he says it will never happen again.
• When she really tries to end the relationship, he pulls the suicide card. This is a very common response to once again use the blame and guilt that the victim feels to get them to stay.

The denial was thick as molasses. Liz blames herself for the fights. He has manipulated her mind and has fed his guilt into her. She makes a statement in the movie that if she were a better girlfriend, he wouldn’t have to hurt her. In one scene, she is eating dinner with her family and Mark texts her. Her dad tells her that it is family time and she can reply after dinner is over. Liz pretty much has a tiny panic attack. She becomes very anxious because her body is releasing adrenaline in response to what will happen if she doesn’t get back to him ASAP, even if her mind doesn’t make the connection.

One scene I found very powerful involved the social worker. After Liz lied to her family about breaking up with Mark, she visited her therapist. When the therapist asked how life was now that Mark wasn’t in it, Liz didn’t have much to say – because she was still seeing him. The therapist likely caught on to this and I think she used a powerful technique. She handed Liz her laptop and asked her to type in “warning signs of abuse” and asked Liz to read them to her. The clarity that washed over Liz was so heartbreaking, but it is what she needed to realize the situation she was in. At that point, she took control back of her life.

I plan to read the book ASAP, and will also report on it.

http://www.amazon.com/Reviving-Ophelia-Adolescent-Ballantine-Readers/dp/0345392825

My first group experience: The Good, The Bad, and The Whoa.

So I did my first group with children last night! I have so much to learn. *sigh* In case you didn’t know, I’m interning at a domestic violence program. The children have witnessed the violence in many different forms, and they attend group while their parents (just the victim, and I don’t say women/mothers because we have one male – it does happen!) attend group. I’ve been working with the child therapist for the last few weeks and she gave me the floor tonight. She actually left the room while we did the activity, and I think it went ok. The children are 1-6 grade, and they are at different levels of maturity. While they were being typical kids, they did complete the activity and actually talked about it afterwards. To me, that equals a win.

It is very obvious that I don’t know proper ways of getting children to settle down and behave. We do things differently in a therapeutic setting. Telling little Johnny to sit down and be quiet doesn’t work so much. I may not have as much control as the child therapist, and she certainly has an entirely different style than I, but I think I did ok. I’m alive, they’re alive. I’ll get better, right? :)

However, I met a young man tonight who I will refer to as E. He’s in 1st grade and is very troubled, as exhibited by his behavior in group. He used a few bad words, talked about Hell, and ran around the room like some sort of big cat, growling all the way! He was very agitated and certainly did not want to participate in an activity where he sat the entire time. I was told that he is going to be my first client, and I must say, I am nervous as heck! We will be using the playroom, where he will likely get our his anger and frustration and wild-childness. I do think this young man is in desperate need of someone to pay attention to him, to tell him that he is special, to let him know he matters. I haven’t read his file yet, but I bet it’s a doozy.

I am also going to start working with an adolescent girl (I will refer to her as Y) who has siblings in the program, as well. In fact, her 2 younger siblings are in one of the child groups, and they journaled about some ugly stuff happening with big sis. She has been inappropriately dealing with her anger lately and we want to find out what's beneath the anger. The adolescent group facilitators says she doesn’t speak much in group, so hopefully I can gain her trust and give her an outlet.

---

I met with my supervisor today and she really put things into perspective for me. I’ve never had a therapy session yet, so I feel at a real disadvantage about providing it! However, she said some things that make so much sense and eased up my anxiety a tad. She said the most important thing about therapy is the human connection. The relationship. She said just be human to human, be present and actively listen. Don't worry about what theory or model l should be following - that comes with experience. Just listen, and be genuine. She also added that she still gets nervous 15 years later but said working through that fear is what will make me grow…

And I will try to fix you.

This semester I am taking Psychopathology in Clinical Practice. If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I am not interested in Clinical Practice at this point. I would much rather be on the services or macro side of Social Work, although I am quite aware that counseling skills are needed across the board. That being said, I have yet to experience a mental health setting so I could very well change my mind. In fact, I will be in a clinical setting at my Domestic Violence internship. I will mainly be working with the children who have witnessed the abuse. The victims and their children will no doubt exhibit a myriad of issues. Maybe I will end up enjoy this setting…who knows. I will admit that I am uber excited to experience Play Therapy. :)

Anyway, in our first class of Psychopathology, the professor played the video below, which looks to remove the stigma that mental illness receives. I know all about this stigma, as I come from a family entrenched in abuse and mental disorders. It has never been easy for any of them to ask for help, or to even accept their situation. A lot of it is pride, not accepting their reality, etc. But, a lot of it is related to the stigma surrounding these disorders, I’m sure.

Take a moment to watch the video and reflect on how you feel about mental health disorders. You can help fight the stigma that these people have unfairly hanging over their heads.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you 

Domestic Violence: Eminem & Rihanna Speak Out

When I was in Paris, one of my trip mates asked if I had heard the new Eminem track with Rihanna, Love the way you lie. I had not, so we listened to it on her iPod. As usual with Em’s lyrics, I am transported to a dark place. That man has gone through some tough shit, all of which he isn’t afraid to speak about in public. It is very common knowledge that he has had a serious violent, chaotic and destructive relationship with his ex-wife, Kim, and mother of his daughter, Haley. He has some past songs that speak about her, and one that even kills her. A Twitter friend posted the link to the video for Love the way you lie, and since the song spoke to me, I wanted to check out the video.

Wow.

Some may think this video is glamorizing Domestic Violence. It’s all in the interpretation. I think the video shows just how emotionally and mentally destructive a violent relationship can be. Rihanna’s I love the way you lie lyric has some big controversy around it. I think the point of the lyric is pretty simple: She continues to loves him despite his lies. The line between passion, love and violence can become seriously blurred.

Megan Fox can’t act her way out of a wet paper bag. She relies on her sex appeal, and she definitely has it. However, the moment where she snuffs out the fire and opens her eyes at the camera, is pretty chilling. (I read that she donated her entire fee for this project to a domestic violence shelter. Awesomeness.)

I think it’s just 2 artists, both of who have been involved in partner violence, sharing their souls. Catharsis at its finest.

Just my 2 cents. I’ve never been in a violent relationship, but most of my family has experienced it, over and over. I don’t take this topic lightly, but I can’t speak from experience. I am looking forward to working with victims and their children this school year at my internship. I think it is going to be one hell of an emotional rollercoaster for me, and I think I will learn and witness a lot of hardship and pain, but I do hope that I witness some smiles and success with moving on from the violence.

P.S. The video reminds me of The Burning Bed, which is a tragically sad movie about domestic violence.

Afterthoughts: Don’t let this video fool you into thinking domestic violence only happens to lower class people. It knows no boundaries. And, why is Rihanna half-naked? Weird.

Cause of the Month: Break the Cycle

So the lovely SocialWrkr24/7 gave me this awesome idea. I am blatantly stealing it from her, but something tells me she won't mind. We are both social workers and therefore want to rid the world of injustice. Ok, maybe I sound a bit idealistic, but my ideals are what keep me going. SocialWrkr24/7 started a monthly meme featuring a Cause a Month, where she speaks about a cause that represents her work in the field (child welfare) or something she is passionate about, so be sure to check out her blog! I've learned a lot from her.

While I'm still a student, I do know that children, adolescents and women are my focus (big focus, right!) and I have lots of different interests, job-wise. I experienced the field during my first field placement in private adoptions, and look forward to my next field placement in domestic violence. Because of that, and my interest in working with adolescents, my first Cause of the Month is Break The Cycle. I've even put a little blog button on the top right of my blog to house the Cause of the Month. >:)

Break the Cycle is the leading, national non-profit agency that focus on dating violence among teenagers. As sad as it is to admit, violence in adolescent relationships is raising at a rapid rate. And it is a silent epidemic. According to Break the Cycle, "One in three teens will experience abuse in a dating relationship and more than two-thirds of them will never report it to anyone."

Break the Cycle works toward this endeavor in a myriad of ways. They realize that education is the key to empowerment, and empowering adolescents to stand up for their rights and well-being is the best way to end dating violence. They work with schools to provide teens with the tools and knowledge necessary to develop essential life skills and transition successfully into adulthood. Let's face it: not all children receive this knowledge at home.

Break the Cycle has developed specific curriculum to be used in school settings. They also provide in-person education through the Girl Scouts and the Boys & Girls Clubs.They're also dedicated to empowering youth to become advocates for the cause, which I just love! They've created Speak. Act. Change., a special advocacy project aimed at adolescents and includes service learning activities, such as legislative advocacy and community involvement.

Not all teenagers have access to these programs and/or specialists, so Break the Cycle has created an online network called The Safe Space. This website is a comprehensive resource center on dating violence. There is an "Ask Anything" page, which allows teens to ask questions anonymously. If you know anything about relationship violence, we definitely understand the important of anonymity.

As if that wasn't enough (and sadly, it will never be enough), Break the Cycle provides training and support for adults who want to work in a variety of professional fields that work with adolescents (social workers, school professionals, lawyers, health care professionals, etc). All in all, this is a fantastic national agency that really has a grasp on the problem of teen dating violence and is working very efficiently to stop it.

How can you help?

There are always ways to help, and this agency actually offers some really awesome opportunities for all types of lifestyles and time requirements.

• Take Action: Join HOPE, Break the Cycle's national membership program comprised of people all over the country united to take action against teen dating violence.


• Intern with Break the Cycle: Become an intern and gain valuable, hands-on experience. Opportunities engage a range of skills and are available in Los Angeles and Washington, DC.


• Help Teens in Crisis: Become an Ask Anything Volunteer and respond to help emails from teens in need.


• Join our Young Professionals Committee: Take on a leadership role as a part of this auxiliary group that raises friends and funds for Break the Cycle.


• Spread the Word: Become a trained speaker on dating violence and table at community fairs.


• Lend Us Your Expertise: Join a committee, improve our services and learn new skills.


• Host a Party: Find out how you can have Valentine’s Anytime and raise awareness about teen dating violence.


• Youth in Action: Visit thesafespace.org if you are a teen who wants to take action

I hope you've enjoyed my first Cause of the Month!

Success!

I'm in!

I met with my field placement supervisor at the family violence agency. She was great and I know I will enjoy working with her. She is the head therapist of the small program, which is housed in an agency that provides a myriad of services (forensic interviewing for sexually abused children, residential treatment center, etc). She has been with the agency for 9 years and also has a private practice. She runs the adult groups, and does individual therapy, as well.

The child therapist will most likely be my task supervisor. She uses play and sand therapy. I will be working closely with her, and really can't wait to see these techniques in action. M is a Victim's Advocate. I will have the opportunity to shadow her, which is beyond amazing. I would absolutely love such a job, but I really have no legal knowledge. Lots to learn! G. asked me to familiarize myself with the cycle of violence of the Summer.

I will do bio-psycho-socials, intake meetings, maybe even help develop treatment plans. I will observe groups for adults and adolescents of domestic violence. I will participate in play/sand therapy with children. I will see court cases surrounding domestic violence. I will most definitely see the effects of domestic violence on all family members, but I am not a stranger to those. I told G. my family has been plagued by violence for many generations. Although my mom stopped the cycle, I have seen the humiliation, torment and pain it has caused most of my family. I am not close to many of my family members, for reasons I can't really explain, but they are the biggest reason I want to pursue a career in Social Work. It has been excruciating to witness the the crap my family has endured. I think I've pushed myself away from them all because of the drama, but I wish now I would've been more hands-on. Maybe I could have helped, even a little.


I plan to rock the hell out of this experience. :) This next (and FINAL) school year will be tough, but I am ready.

My next field placement

On the bus ride back from Tallahassee, I got a call from one of our field placement staff. She wanted to speak with me about a possible match for my next placement. I mentioned to her that I was interested in working with victims of domestic violence and/or their children (play therapy, etc). She told me about an agency that provides group counseling to victims of family violence, and also provides childcare for the children during meeting times (play therapy). This service provides:

• Crisis Intervention, safety planning and assessment of family needs
  
• Linkages with shelters, relocation and/or other community resources
  
• Therapeutic support groups for adult victims, their teens and young children
  
• Childcare available for children under six during group sessions
  
• Meals for children prior to group and limited transportation available
  
• Individual therapy for adult victims and their children
  
• Support and advocacy in dealing with the criminal justice system - court appearances, restraining orders, etc.

• Assist with Victims’ Compensation claims and Address Confidentiality Program
  
• A program that provides therapeutic art activities to children & teens. The program is working on a film project to promote healthy relationships and keeping kids gang-free.
  
• A program that allows teens to enhance self esteem, team building skills and to promote healthy lifestyles through gardening

• Collaboration with other agencies to promote healthy teen relationships to prevent intimate partner violence.

I would definitely love to work with teens. They hold group sessions on Tues/Weed evenings, so I would definitely be working those nights. Thankfully, my classes are Mon nights and Thursday afternoons. At this time, that is all I know. I am supposed to talk with another field placement staff member early next week, since she works very closely with the agency and knows a lot more about it.

While I am not afraid of learning, I feel completely unprepared to do any sort of group counseling, or individual therapy, for that matter! I feel at a disadvantage because 1) I don't have any therapeutic experience, and 2) My field placement this past year was not clinical in the same way that these types of programs are, and 2) I only had one group experience. I may try to see if I can attend some groups in the community this summer, and do some reading myself...

Social Justice Challenge for March: Domestic Violence and Child Abuse

The Social Justice Challenge for March is one I’m familiar with. I am concentrating on Children and Families in my Social Work program, and I also come from a family rampant with both forms of violence.

• What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of domestic violence and child abuse? My family, and my clients. Children, women, men. Humanity.
• What does domestic violence and child abuse mean to you personally? I come from a family with multiple generations of abuse. My maternal grandfather was beat with chains. He in turn ruled his house with an iron fist – literally. The abuse, in some form, has trickled down throughout my family. Half of the women in my family have endured domestic violence relationships, multiple times. I am not sure how I escaped all of this. Some of it was personal choice, some of it was having a mother who made different choices. Now, my mother wasn’t perfect. I mostly remember her ridiculous temper (very common character trait in my family) and her 5’ tall self scared the crud out of me growing up. But, she loved me so deeply. So unconditionally. I think that makes the difference.
• What is your current knowledge of domestic violence and child abuse? I am not all knowing, but I’m learning a lot about it. I do know that is prevalent, and while we strive to make changes in how people handle personal turmoil/conflict/stress/anxiety, it is a VERY difficult thing to eradicate. Some of it's learned, some of it's personal choice. Some of it's not knowing how to handle situations properly.
• Are you aware of the resources available for men, women and children who find themselves in domestic violence and child abuse situations? In my area, yes. There are also multiple internet resources, which lead to local resources.
• Have you chosen a book or resource to read for this month? I desperately want to read Push, but I don’t own the book yet. I’ve seen The Burning Bed and The Color Purple, but never read the books. I am going to check out http://www.breakthecycle.org/, because I would ultimately like to work with adolescents on these very issues.
• Take some time and think about what potential action steps you could take. (I’ll have a post dedicated to this shortly). Continue working with my clients, and educate those around me as much as possible.

Tomorrow is Domestic Violence Awareness Day.

Saturday, May 9, is Domestic Violence Awareness Day.

Domestic Abuse should not happen. Ever. Sadly though, it happens. A lot. What is Domestic Violence? Domestic violence is behavior - emotional, psychological, physical, or sexual abuse - that one person in an intimate relationship uses in order to control the other. Domestic Violence is about the age-old POWER issue. Some people feel entitled to control others, and will use force, should that person not obey. Although men are more likely to be victims of violent crime overall, a recent study by the U.S. Department of Justice reports that "intimate partner violence is primarily a crime against women."2 Of those victimized by an intimate partner, 85% are women and 15% are men.2 In other words, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.3 

It takes many different forms and includes behavior such as threats, name-calling, isolation, withholding of money, actual or threatened physical harm and sexual assault. Most domestic violence is committed against women by their male partners. It also occurs in lesbian and gay relationships and is common in teenage dating relationships. In a small number of cases, men are abused by female partners, but because 91 to 95 percent of all adult domestic violence assaults are perpetrated by men against their female partners, this booklet will refer to victims as female and abusers as male. In any case, every victim of domestic violence, whether female or male, gay or heterosexual, has the right to legal relief.

Sadly, my mother comes from an absuive background, growing up and in relationships. And I have friends who have experienced it, as well. Women always say that they wouldn't put up with someone abusing them, but a lot end up doing just that. Yet, there are some who do get out at the first signs.  And it's not just timid women that stay, there have been plenty of strong women that have stayed. Why do some stay and some leave? It's a fascinating phenomena that really puzzles the hell out of me. However, many do stay because they have no other options, or at least, that is how they see it.

Have you ever seen The Burning Bed with Farrah Fawcett? That movie made a serious statement towards Domestic Violence: chances are high that someone is bound to end up dead. As that movie shows, it's not always the victim. Some people loose effin mind - crack, so to speak - and kill their abuser. Of course, many abusers kill their victims also. Either way, the loss is stupid and preventable.

Resources:

• National Domestiv Violence Hotline
  
• Domestic Violence @ MedlinePlus
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
• Domestic Violence Survival Kit

Movies:

• The Burning Bed
  
• Enough
• Sleeping with the Enemy
• What's love got to do with it