A Movie Review: Reviving Ophelia

I heard about this movie through BreakTheCycle.org whom I follow on Twitter. This organization aims to educate teens on dating violence and empower them to make their own decisions. Reviving Ophelia aired on Lifetime and will probably play more. Check your local channel listing to see when it airs again.

Reviving Ophelia is a story about a normal, well-to-do, calm and collected teenage girl, Elizabeth, who becomes involved with a guy named Mark. Mark is a gentleman, is respectful towards adults and showers Liz with affection and attention – just what teenage girls are looking for! Unfortunately, Mark isn’t what he seems to be. Underneath his cool façade and cute exterior is an angry young man who has become quite obsessed with Liz. The signs are absolutely blaring. Her cousin, who is deemed the wild one in the family, tries to alert her family to what is going on, but no one wants to believe her. She tries to step in and assist her cousin, but she is quickly pushed aside and told there is no problem. Once Liz’s parents find out, they do everything to control the situation and protect their daughter. However, telling Liz No only make her want him more…

If you do plan to watch the movie, or read the book, don’t read any more. It will give away a lot of the story. I wrote down all of the signs I recognized:

• He gets miffed because she made plans without consulting him
• You find out his mother left him and his father, and that his father called him a loser because his mother left him.
• You later find out his dad beat his mother, which is probably why she left. As ugly and unfortunate as it is, abuse is a learned behavior a lot of the time.
• He becomes jealous of her friends and guys she sits by in class.
• He tried to control her behavior.
• He calls and texts her constantly, and gets very angry when she doesn’t respond promptly.
• He tracks her on her phone’s GPS! Stalking is a serious red flag.
• There is a small blip about an ex-girlfriend, who we don’t learn much about. However, sounds like he has been down this path before.
• He makes her feel guilty for everything.
• There is the obvious physical violence. The first incident, Mark lies and says he had to slam on his break and she hit the dash. She confirms the story. The cycle repeats itself, even if he says it will never happen again.
• When she really tries to end the relationship, he pulls the suicide card. This is a very common response to once again use the blame and guilt that the victim feels to get them to stay.

The denial was thick as molasses. Liz blames herself for the fights. He has manipulated her mind and has fed his guilt into her. She makes a statement in the movie that if she were a better girlfriend, he wouldn’t have to hurt her. In one scene, she is eating dinner with her family and Mark texts her. Her dad tells her that it is family time and she can reply after dinner is over. Liz pretty much has a tiny panic attack. She becomes very anxious because her body is releasing adrenaline in response to what will happen if she doesn’t get back to him ASAP, even if her mind doesn’t make the connection.

One scene I found very powerful involved the social worker. After Liz lied to her family about breaking up with Mark, she visited her therapist. When the therapist asked how life was now that Mark wasn’t in it, Liz didn’t have much to say – because she was still seeing him. The therapist likely caught on to this and I think she used a powerful technique. She handed Liz her laptop and asked her to type in “warning signs of abuse” and asked Liz to read them to her. The clarity that washed over Liz was so heartbreaking, but it is what she needed to realize the situation she was in. At that point, she took control back of her life.

I plan to read the book ASAP, and will also report on it.

http://www.amazon.com/Reviving-Ophelia-Adolescent-Ballantine-Readers/dp/0345392825

Miscellaneous news from school/internship.

One month in and I’m doing ok. I lucked out with my professors because the other group of students have tons of more work. I don’t mind lots of assignments but what I mind is time management and getting them all done and done well.

The internship is going well. I’m learning a lot. I feel a tad overwhelmed because I am there for 2 10-hour days only. However, group takes up 2.5 hours each day (planning and facilitating), and I have gotten 2 clients – which is AWESOME! But, I have to write individual and group case notes, and I must keep up with them because they can get out of hand if I don’t. I just don’t feel like I have enough time to prepare myself for my individual meetings (one child and one adolescent) and do other things I need to do. It will all work out, but I really hate feeling rushed, especially now that I have clients. This is my first experience with individual meetings and while I haven’t felt too nervous since I’m just trying to get to know them at this point, I’m still clueless and want to really focus on being a good therapist and asking the right questions, etc. AND, building rapport with the teen. She is nice and sweet and talks, but it’s all superficial at this point and I really want to help her understand her emotions. She needs someone to talk to...

My child client is so very open and genuine. I’ve been working with her in group so she has gotten to know me over the past few weeks. We drew pictures of a house and tree, and she helped me draw my trees. She is very nice and shares well. We talked about bullying, and why she needs to speak up if someone is bothering her. She told me that she stuck up for her friend on the playground. I told her she was very brave, but next time, she should get a teacher so that she isn’t hurt in the process.

I actually got to see (well, hear, since it was over the phone) the Defense Mechanism known as Reaction Formation. This DM transforms an unacceptable impulse into the opposite. It’s a characteristic of obsessional neuroses, and I have no doubt this person is neurotic! Anywho, I reached out to a referral to set up an appointment so she can begin group therapy. Her mother answered the phone, and then handed off to the victim. She said she had no transportation, etc., and would call us back. Not 2 minutes later, my manager received a call from her mother and called me in her office. I’ve never heard such BS in my life! She went on and on about how we could never understand how much she wants her daughter to enter our program and receive services/treatment, but there is this problem, and that one, oh – and that one too. She called us “hun” a billion times, which is a tad insulting, but you have to let it slide. It is obvious this woman has controlled the identity right out of her daughter. After our suggestions of a family meeting to see if family members can take turns bringing her (and still, more excuses) we finally hung up because she would’ve never stopped. It was an interesting experience, and I feel terrible for that woman. I doubt we will ever see her. :/

So much to say, but studying calls. My Psychopathology mid-term is in a week! :O

My first group experience: The Good, The Bad, and The Whoa.

So I did my first group with children last night! I have so much to learn. *sigh* In case you didn’t know, I’m interning at a domestic violence program. The children have witnessed the violence in many different forms, and they attend group while their parents (just the victim, and I don’t say women/mothers because we have one male – it does happen!) attend group. I’ve been working with the child therapist for the last few weeks and she gave me the floor tonight. She actually left the room while we did the activity, and I think it went ok. The children are 1-6 grade, and they are at different levels of maturity. While they were being typical kids, they did complete the activity and actually talked about it afterwards. To me, that equals a win.

It is very obvious that I don’t know proper ways of getting children to settle down and behave. We do things differently in a therapeutic setting. Telling little Johnny to sit down and be quiet doesn’t work so much. I may not have as much control as the child therapist, and she certainly has an entirely different style than I, but I think I did ok. I’m alive, they’re alive. I’ll get better, right? :)

However, I met a young man tonight who I will refer to as E. He’s in 1st grade and is very troubled, as exhibited by his behavior in group. He used a few bad words, talked about Hell, and ran around the room like some sort of big cat, growling all the way! He was very agitated and certainly did not want to participate in an activity where he sat the entire time. I was told that he is going to be my first client, and I must say, I am nervous as heck! We will be using the playroom, where he will likely get our his anger and frustration and wild-childness. I do think this young man is in desperate need of someone to pay attention to him, to tell him that he is special, to let him know he matters. I haven’t read his file yet, but I bet it’s a doozy.

I am also going to start working with an adolescent girl (I will refer to her as Y) who has siblings in the program, as well. In fact, her 2 younger siblings are in one of the child groups, and they journaled about some ugly stuff happening with big sis. She has been inappropriately dealing with her anger lately and we want to find out what's beneath the anger. The adolescent group facilitators says she doesn’t speak much in group, so hopefully I can gain her trust and give her an outlet.

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I met with my supervisor today and she really put things into perspective for me. I’ve never had a therapy session yet, so I feel at a real disadvantage about providing it! However, she said some things that make so much sense and eased up my anxiety a tad. She said the most important thing about therapy is the human connection. The relationship. She said just be human to human, be present and actively listen. Don't worry about what theory or model l should be following - that comes with experience. Just listen, and be genuine. She also added that she still gets nervous 15 years later but said working through that fear is what will make me grow…

The Law of the Jungle

I went to a leadership conference yesterday. It was geared toward an undergrad-level group but I thought it was interesting and motivating, nonetheless. I picked up some fantastic quotes (you know I love quotes!) and found out about some great book on leadership.

Now this is the Law of the Jungle — as old and as true as the sky; And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.

As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back —
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.

-Rudyard Kipling

The above quote is actually pretty damn powerful. It talks of the importance of working as a team, a collective, with each other instead of against one another. I am very moved by this quote and concept, and I look forward to being a part of a grand team of like-minded professionals who are working towards the betterment of mankind.

And I will try to fix you.

This semester I am taking Psychopathology in Clinical Practice. If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I am not interested in Clinical Practice at this point. I would much rather be on the services or macro side of Social Work, although I am quite aware that counseling skills are needed across the board. That being said, I have yet to experience a mental health setting so I could very well change my mind. In fact, I will be in a clinical setting at my Domestic Violence internship. I will mainly be working with the children who have witnessed the abuse. The victims and their children will no doubt exhibit a myriad of issues. Maybe I will end up enjoy this setting…who knows. I will admit that I am uber excited to experience Play Therapy. :)

Anyway, in our first class of Psychopathology, the professor played the video below, which looks to remove the stigma that mental illness receives. I know all about this stigma, as I come from a family entrenched in abuse and mental disorders. It has never been easy for any of them to ask for help, or to even accept their situation. A lot of it is pride, not accepting their reality, etc. But, a lot of it is related to the stigma surrounding these disorders, I’m sure.

Take a moment to watch the video and reflect on how you feel about mental health disorders. You can help fight the stigma that these people have unfairly hanging over their heads.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you